Ookla the mok - Number one Lyrics

I am a gambler
I am Fortune s son
I am the first mate of the NCC 1701D
Well I had an encounter at Farpoint Station
With a little touch of constipation
While I was waiting to come aboard and meet my crew
But when the captain arrived I got this feeling inside
That there was something that I needed to do
And it s true
That when I got to my quarters there was something missing
I didn t have a pot to piss in
But I was too proud to ask an ensign where to go
And so I flashed with a smile and held it in for awhile
And tried not to let it show
But you know
CHORUS:
I asked the ship s computer
I checked the technical guide
But there are no bathrooms on the Enterprise
I ve been here seven days
And I can t wait anymore
Pretty soon I m gonna boldly go where no one s ever gone before
I can t sit down, I m in some condition
How d Kirk survive on a five year mission?
This new assignment is getting harder to endure
Cause I ain t feeling so great and I m putting on lots of weight
I couldn t make it through a three hour tour
That s for sure
And now I ve gained twenty pounds and I grew a beard
How could I shave without a bathroom mirror?
If I don t get some relief I m gonna split my skin
Cause I m as round as a globe and if I don t launch a probe
Soon I ll weigh enough to be my own twin
My transporter twin
CHORUS

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